Perhaps the worst, in several ways, because it affected my life in such a huge and negative way, was with R. Inslee Clark and Stan Kops. They obviously colluded together to single me out and make things happen (as I know they did with other boys).
I was invited to Mr. Clark's house, and Mr. Kops was there. They gave me drinks, and then took me out to a club in Manhattan in the east 50s, a club where older guys purchase the services of young men for sexual purposes. We had more drinks, and Mr. Kops went and talked to two guys who were probably 18-20, who then came back to Mr. Clark's house with us in his car.
Back at the house there were even more drinks, a lot for a 14 year old such as myself, and then the two hired prostitute guys were instructed to get things going with me, which then led to Mr. Clark and Mr. Kops joining in and then the other boys leaving. After this incident, both Mr. Clark and Mr. Kops abused me on several other occassions.
The reason that was the worst, in my opinion, is as follows..... being abused, especially by so many, eats away at one's self esteem and self confidence and feeling of self worth, especially at that age. My parents had just gotten divorced so I had no real home life (in addition to the fact that I had also been abused by a friend of the family and an uncle), so I had no support system at home.
It was Mr. Clark and Mr. Kops who introduced me not only to the concept of male prostitution, but even more specifically took me to a club that was a hotspot for that business. The club where they had taken me was just several blocks from where I lived with my mother at the time, and very near my favorite pizza place.
Just a few weeks later i went to get pizza and one of the boys they had to Mr. Clark's house was in that area (I didnt know it at the time, but a well known area on the east side for male prostitutes to pick up clients, both on the street and in a few clubs/bars). He came over and talked to me, apologized for them forcing me to do stuff with him and the other guy, and made it clear that Mr. Clark and Mr. Kops had paid them to do stuff with me, and to use "any force necessary" to make sure it happened.
He then said that with his help I could make a lot of money. In my young mind, after getting used all the time by various teachers, it seemed logical to me that I might as well get paid for it. Indeed, in some small ways this was a good decision..... getting paid for my body, rather than just having it taken and used by my teachers, boosted my self esteem on some levels and allowed me to continue life without harming myself, which I had seriously considered several times.
This led to a 12 year total immersion (during my time at HM and afterwards) in the male prostitution/escort/hustler business, and also in pornography (I was in over 30 porn films as well as magazines, etc.). That obviously affected my life in many ways, not the least of which was all the drugs and drinking it involved. Those of course were necessary to me anyway, to try not to remember all the stuff that happened at HM.
My grades started to suffer ( I got two D's in my last trimester), a warning sign that was not in any way noticed by either my recently divorced parents, any of my teachers, or guidance counselor at HM, and I was told that I would most likely not be allowed to graduate with my classmates and would probably have to retake a class in summer school in order to graduate at the end of the summer, so I could go to New England Conservatory of Music, where I went for my Bachelors Degree.
Knowing full well that I was a relatively smart person and decent enough student and that my declining grades were due to the abuse I had suffered, I made a decision. In a rare moment of bravery, I went to Mr. Clark's office, demanded to his secretary that I see him immediately, and told him that he better fix it so I did graduate, or else I would tell people about what he and Mr. Kops had done. And he did indeed fix the issue, I never again heard a word about not graduating or having to go to summer school.
Mr. Clark fixed the problem since I obviously made it clear that I would take action and expose him and Mr. Kops.
As an additional note, and perhaps most insulting in a way....
In my first year of college, while back in NYC visiting my mother, I needed some money so went out to a hustler bar in that same area where Mr. Clark and Mr. Kops took me, called Rounds, to make a few bucks. Mr. Clark was there, drinking and chatting with some older guys, and then he approached me to hire me for sex, and didn't even recognize me.
Even though the incident with my demanding he let me graduate "or else" was less than 6 or 7 months before. It is truly a statement to how many boys he did these things to that after having me to his house, getting me drunk, driving me downtown, hiring prostitutes to rape me, and then doing stuff with me several more times, he didn't even know who I was when running into me half a year down the road. I reminded him who I was, and declined his offer for paid sex. It was of course the only time I got to say no to him.
All the years of abuse at HM, and the life in the sex business for several years afterwards took obviously a serious toll on me in many ways. I ended up trying to kill myself, was in psychiatric hospitals for PTSD from the abuse and severe depression. Even after several inpatient stays in psychiatric wards and rehabs in the 1990s, I still developed bulemia, and had to go to programs to deal with that. I have had private counselling over the years, but still the level and frequency of my abuse at HM and the life it led me to left me with so much damage and problems that to this day I have PTSD, anxiety attacks, depression, difficulties in relationships, I get an average of 3 or 4 hours sleep a night before I am awaked by nightmares..... almost video replays of various episodes of abuse.
In addition, due to all those interruptions to my life and career, including the continuing sleep problems, my professional career and finances are not at all where they should or would be had I not been the victim of abuse from so many teachers at HM over so many years time.
I am hoping that HM is a great place NOW, and I'm sure that especially with the current media focus on this issue regarding abuse at HM, any recent or current issues have been addressed and this is not prevalent now as it was then.
But.... it took away my innocence, my boyhood/childhood, my chance of ever being a normal kid and growing up in any normal and happy and healthy way. To say that this affected my life profoundly in a negative way would be a gross understatement.
R. Inslee Clark, Jr.
Headmaster, The Horace Mann School 1970 to 1980
President, 1980 to 1991
History Teacher / Swim Coach
The Horace Mann School
"It was Mr. Clark and Mr. Kops who introduced me not only to the concept of male prostitution, but even more specifically took me to a club that was a hotspot for that business." --J.S. (age 14)